London

Since Jasryn demanded an update, well, here I am! Blogging live from London to the world :]

University is good. At first it was quite miserable since I was the only person in my flat but now my flatmates have all moved in, and they're really nice so I'm happy. There are six girls and one boy- yes I know, lucky guy huh? Anyway. The girls are:

Jude >> English girl from Surrey, blonde, very outgoing. Likes to party a lot and is very amusing when drunk. Like a few days ago there was a boat party and she ran up to dance to this one song and then just slipped. Like just slipped on the floor completely randomly. Then on the way back we passed a pole thing and then she did the limbo with the rest of the guys. Doing English and Spanish.

Jorin >> Other Malaysian girl doing law. Seems quite nice and friendly. I hang out with her and this one girl from Hong Kong, Jasamine, a lot. Likes shopping. Went shopping with me, Jasamine, and another friend Joelle (from London) yesterday. Did not buy anything but marked various items that she could wheedle her parents into buying for her. I laughed.

Qandeel >> Pakistani girl but is a British citizen. Doing Biomed so is therefore smart. Accidentally was fed alcohol by Robert (male flatmate) because we didn't know that there was alcohol in balsamic vinegar. Has been eating almost nothing but tea and jaffa cakes since she came here. Also has really nice fashion sense.

Hayley >> Pretty, English girl from Manchester. Seems smart. Gets drunk really easily and goes all wooooooo la la la la laaaaaa when drunk. Is not a natural blonde but we all thought she was. Doesn't mean she's stupid though, in fact she was mentioning that she gets all f;lakdsfas;;;;; about grades. Claims to be a shitty chef but she hasn't burned anything yet... So we shall see.

Chloe >> From Kent which is really not far from here, so is going home for the weekend and is making her mother do her laundry. Lucky her! Like the other girls in our flat, is quite outgoing and friendly. Heck, most- no, all of the girls in our flat are outgoing and friendly. Her room is a complete mess. I wonder why mine isn't yet.

Me >> The awesome one.

And there are a ton of other people that I've met, and the boys in the flat next to ours hang out with the girls in our flat a lot, though I can't say I know them very well cause they're all too busy getting drunk together. The girls in the flat next to ours? One's sweet, lovely, but kinda quiet (Joelle) and the other disappears every morning and leaves a note on the table for them telling them things like:

"I'll be gone, will be back by midnight." And since she leaves at like 7 in the morning nobody has really seen her. I've seen her like... once. Heck people are all calling her different names, like Mary, Annmarie, Marie, nobody is even sure what her name is! Anyway. The boy in our flat is called Robert and I am sure he's kinda confused as to what to do with so many loud, outgoing girls X) Poor him.

People in Law seem nice. There's a girl from Hong Kong called Jasamine that's awesome, we get along really well, so that's great. There are a ton of Singaporeans and quite a lot of Malaysians, which is a good and bad thing I guess.

But I shall try to mingle so I get to meet more people! Even if my closest friends are all Asian I will at least try not to be so cliquish. That's my resolution for the year. :)

By the time-

By the time most of you read this, I will have left Penang for lands unknown, ready to start a new phase of my life. (No, I did not wake up in the morning to specially do this, I was supposed to do this last night, but after being woken up early by a text message... What the heck, might as well)

And I can't say that the last month hasn't passed in a flurry. What with meeting up with people every other day and talking on the phone as much as I can at night, I'm sure that there are a few people who I forgot to contact, didn't manage to get hold of, or I promised to meet up with but never got around to doing. So, with that, I've got mail. For all of you who I know read this blog, and messages for some of you that don't.

Cheng Yee >> You really didn't need to get that little toy thing for me :] But thanks. It was the sweetest gesture.

Rachel F. >> Ugh I was supposed to phone you last night wasn't I? Was going to call around 10 but then parents went all militant-packing-OMFGNOOOOOOYOU'RELEAVING on me. Have a great time, Roadkill. Come to England if you can.

Xiang >> Someone from your family gave me an accidental call from your Malaysian number a few days ago. I miss you :( And LOL we need to actually get round to writing together someday. We actually do.

Chiang >> ... We'll actually be in the same timezone after this. Why am I even writing a good-bye message to you? Anyway thanks for the memories and for being my punching bag, dude. You won't have seen the last of me. -cracks knuckles-

Darren >> FFFF you're coming over later aren't you? To say good-bye? If you actually bothered to wake up to say bye to me then... thanks. Because it means a lot.

Gummy >> I'll never be able to forget the "HAVE YOU PACKED" even from all the way in the States. So typically Prudy of you, but that's what we all know and love. Keep in touch.

Su >> Orange and blue are opposites on the colour spectrum. And so are we. But thanks for the friendship.

Sara >> -flashes- I think it's my turn to reply to your e-mail. Will do so once I arrive in London. And ffff "I THINK THAT'S CALLED UNI." FFFFFFFFF.

Sarah SC >> Give Mummy a hug for me. Don't run around in circles too much, squares are a much more interesting formation.

Priya >> Eat a lot of keropok lekor while you're out! Enough said, Paradise.

Jasryn >> I just realized I may have forgotten to pack a nail-clipper! Shit I'd better go get one after I write this post. Anyway woman you brought out my bimbotic side like no other. What would I ever have done without you?

Kylie >> Those few days with your camera in my house scared me like no other. Really.

Amy >> This child is sad that she did not get to see more of her Mummy :( But is glad that she will be having a reunion during Christmas. :D

Natassha >> PANTS. PANTS PANTS PANTS.

Alexis >> If you're reading this, means you can also access Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube X) What are you waiting for? Go go go!

Susan >> I know you love Syaoran! -grabs Susan and spins her around-

Joee >> I know you love Yuki! Haha come to CF if you can? :]

Luo Yi >> Make sure you stay safe while you're stationed here... Stupid Alfred. It's not like I wanted to leave you behind. -tsundere face-

Dee >> ... I'm not going to think of you at the airport, cause if I do... I'll cry too. You just have the best way of bringing out the waterworks in me. Dammit. Love?

Jo-Hannah >> Beware. Of. Penguins. ;) You know what I mean. And don't stress yourself out too much. Home is where the heart is and I'm not going to be leaving you that easily.

Jianing >> Bet you're wondering what happened to the dating ad. Like a ninja it will come when you least expect it.

Li Yun >> Next time, this year, let's hope we'll be flying off together. To Heathrow. Try your best. For me. Promise?

Shu Lin >> Heap the gay with loads of torture, specially from your wife and... wife. :) And best friend.

Hai Sherng >> Read message above for what you should prepare yourself to face.

Sheau >> .......... Frick. I don't know what to say. Here's to the years of love, tears, fighting, yelling screaming bitching tantrum-throwing hugging late-night talking David-Cook-fangirling. Here's to the years that are to come. And here's to your really stupid haircut and your unhealthy obsession with Mars Bars. Wait till I buy you ONE MARS BAR for Christmas then you know. Sigh. I love you. NOW SHUT UP. :]

I've come to realize.

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note completing the 36 "I've come to realize" statements. At the end, choose the friends you want to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want tot know more about you or I knew you way back when and am interested in what life has taught you!


1. I've come to realize that my chest-size. . .
is average.

2. I've come to realize that my job(s). . .
is starting soon.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving alone. . .
I freak out.

4. I've come to realize that I need. . .
to sleep pretty soon.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost. . .
my mind.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when. . .
shit happens.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk. . .
I will be very random.

8. I've come to realize that money. . .
is something I like.

9. I've come to realize that certain people. . .
are just beyond retarded.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always. . .
be a girl.

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s). . .
are odd.

12. I've come to realize that my mum. . .
isn't perfect.

13. I've come to realize that cell phones. . .
are awesome.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning. . .
I wanted to sleep some more.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep. . .
I should have eaten more.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking. . .
about how to answer this stupid tag.

17. I've come to realize that my dad. . .
is not perfect either.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook. . .
I start being random.

19. I've come to realize that today. . .
was retarded.

20. I've come to realize that tonight. . .
I have to call KCL and ask about accommodation.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow. . .
I will be asleep.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to. . .
have some calorie-free instant noodles.

23. I've come to realize that the person most likely to respond to this is. . .
probably Cheng Yee.

24. I've come to realize that life. . .
is pretty awesome if you want it to be.

25. I've come to realize that this weekend. . .
was fun at times, boring at times.

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset. . .
depends on what kind of upset I am.

27. I've come to realize that my friends. . .
are awesome, but don't know me as well as they think.

28. I've come to realize that this year. . .
is going to bring change.

29. I've come to realize that my ex. . .
doesn't exist.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should. . .
sleep.

31. I've come to realize that I love. . .
instant noodles.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand. . .
why people can pull all-nighters.

33. I've come to realize my past. . .
is actually pretty drama-free.

34. I've come to realize that parties. . .
are fun when you laugh at drunk people.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified. . .
of being terrified.

36. I've come to realize that my life. . .
has been random.

25 secrets.

I did this tag ages ago, on my old blog. However I read a much more personal version on Jasryn's blog and decided, well heck, why not? At the end of it, comment and tell me what was predictable, what was surprising, and what you wouldn't have guessed at all.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1) I was about to write something here, but I decided that it was something I couldn't share, so I deleted it.

2) On another note, there are many things I thought of that I would write here, but I decided against.

3) People think I'm transparent. I am, but there are things I'd never tell anyone, and they're the things that scare me the most about myself.

4) When I was a kid and a young teenager my uncle used to always tell me I was too trusting and that I was an attention-seeker in an attempt to get me to be less so of both. I remember those talks all too well. As a result, now I worry too much because of my attention-whorish tendencies and that everyone is out to get me.

5) Basically, chances are, if I met you after I turned fifteen or so, I don't totally, completely trust you... No matter how close we are, there will always be that nagging feeling in the back of my head that you hate me, you can't stand me, you don't really want to be with me.

6) I'd prefer hugs to kisses if I had a boyfriend. Hugs make me feel secure.

7) I'm considering not posting this already because I don't know the consequences of revealing all that about myself.

8) Somehow, I don't think most of the facts above would surprise many of you.

9) Sometimes I wish I could merge all my lives together, the life in my old school, the life in my new, and sooner or later my life in college... And then I realize that would be silly. It's best to keep things separate.

10) I'm good at keeping in contact, but since CamTrad it's been harder for me to stay attached to people for long. Not that it's impossible though. It's just harder.

11) Sometimes I wonder whether I'm able to form lasting friendships and then I look around at the people around me, the friends I've made unintentionally and the ones I meant to keep, and I realized that maybe it is possible after all.

12) I've had life good. Very good. And I feel like I don't have the right to complain about it, but I do anyway... Which then makes me feel guilty.

13) I don't believe in miracles. If something good happens it's a really awesome coincidence, or you worked really really hard for it. That's all :]

14) I don't know whether I'm a nice person or not; I can go from pleasant to bitch in less than a second if you piss me off.

15) The worst thing I've ever done? Not said thank you. I still feel guilty for not thanking you that day. I miss you :(

16) It's not that I have something to hide, but sometimes, I don't know how to phrase my thoughts, my feelings into words, so I can't share them with people... It's a lot easier for me to write down what I'm thinking.

17) David Cook has inspired me like no other celebrity has before. I have no idea why I'm so drawn to him, but I am.

18) I wonder whether it's possible for anyone to love me.

19) I have a fear of being alone forever.

20) At the same time, I get very scared by overly-clingy people, even though I can be like that myself.

21) I surprise myself with how cold and distant I can be at times, to people I feel like being cold and distant to. Not because I don't like them but sometimes I do show a different side of myself to the public.

22) My happiness is not a mask. It's just the dominant part of me that I allow to take over my actions and my words.

23) Coolest name for a kid? Luke. Then my husband can say, "Luke, I am your father." However I'll still call my kids Aidan and Nadia because Aidan is Nadia backwards.

24) Li Yun told me to think of her wherever I was, but not in the toilet. So now, every time I take a dump, her name surfaces in my head. Hello Li Yun :]

25) On another note. I use my laptop in the toilet sometimes.

Fingerprints.

It just occurred to me that I'm leaving very soon.

Like, very soon. As in, I-only-have-one-month-left-with-all-my-people kind of soon. Yes, I know it took a while to sink in, that it took me a while to realize this. But I don't think that it's something you realize until it's late, almost too late for you to say those goodbyes and chase those regrets away. Because there are some things I know that will never be the same, like:

Life in the IB room.

Camwhoring with my people.

The birthday parties.

History lessons.

Cosplaying with my buddies.

Cheryl and MSN almost every night.

Just chilling out.

Sarah and her apples. (This just had to be included)

This idiot and the other idiot. (Can't find a picture of her)

Moments like this.

I don't know what else to say, really. It's just that I never realized this before. I've been chasing a future, chasing my future, chasing the fact that I'm about to grow up. And all of a sudden it hits me that maybe that isn't what I want just yet. Maybe I want some more time.

Frick, I HAVE to make it to Red Box on Friday. Dudes and dudettes, I can't go out on Thursday :( My parents want me to go to some fancy-shmancy dinner, but I promise I'll see you guys a lot before I leave. I've also got to see Ning, Luo Yi, Shin Dee, Li Yun, hopefully Alex if he comes back. And many more of you.

Because, as Katy Perry puts it,

It's my life and I'm not sitting
On the sidelines watching it
Pass me by, I'm leaving you my legacy I
I gotta make my mark, I gotta run it hard
I want you to remember me
I'm leaving my fingerprints
I'm leaving my fingerprints
I'm leaving my fingerprints on you

I'm going to miss everyone so badly they don't know it.

There are certain things and people that can't be replaced.

I don't want to grow up :(

Changes.

See. There's a difference between the me of today...


And the me from three, four years ago.


It's that the me of today won't bend over backwards-

For anyone's sake.

Because I too have pride. You taught me that. All of you... In small ways, ways you'd never realize. And I suppose this is time for me to thank you for being there whenever I needed.

You made the past few years amazing.

And you've changed me. For the better.


Something I've realized not too long ago.

Rules-

Are no longer in place.

What's the use of forcing myself to do something that should be done for joy?

I know inspiration has been running dry, but I'll make it somehow. I promise.