By the time-

By the time most of you read this, I will have left Penang for lands unknown, ready to start a new phase of my life. (No, I did not wake up in the morning to specially do this, I was supposed to do this last night, but after being woken up early by a text message... What the heck, might as well)

And I can't say that the last month hasn't passed in a flurry. What with meeting up with people every other day and talking on the phone as much as I can at night, I'm sure that there are a few people who I forgot to contact, didn't manage to get hold of, or I promised to meet up with but never got around to doing. So, with that, I've got mail. For all of you who I know read this blog, and messages for some of you that don't.

Cheng Yee >> You really didn't need to get that little toy thing for me :] But thanks. It was the sweetest gesture.

Rachel F. >> Ugh I was supposed to phone you last night wasn't I? Was going to call around 10 but then parents went all militant-packing-OMFGNOOOOOOYOU'RELEAVING on me. Have a great time, Roadkill. Come to England if you can.

Xiang >> Someone from your family gave me an accidental call from your Malaysian number a few days ago. I miss you :( And LOL we need to actually get round to writing together someday. We actually do.

Chiang >> ... We'll actually be in the same timezone after this. Why am I even writing a good-bye message to you? Anyway thanks for the memories and for being my punching bag, dude. You won't have seen the last of me. -cracks knuckles-

Darren >> FFFF you're coming over later aren't you? To say good-bye? If you actually bothered to wake up to say bye to me then... thanks. Because it means a lot.

Gummy >> I'll never be able to forget the "HAVE YOU PACKED" even from all the way in the States. So typically Prudy of you, but that's what we all know and love. Keep in touch.

Su >> Orange and blue are opposites on the colour spectrum. And so are we. But thanks for the friendship.

Sara >> -flashes- I think it's my turn to reply to your e-mail. Will do so once I arrive in London. And ffff "I THINK THAT'S CALLED UNI." FFFFFFFFF.

Sarah SC >> Give Mummy a hug for me. Don't run around in circles too much, squares are a much more interesting formation.

Priya >> Eat a lot of keropok lekor while you're out! Enough said, Paradise.

Jasryn >> I just realized I may have forgotten to pack a nail-clipper! Shit I'd better go get one after I write this post. Anyway woman you brought out my bimbotic side like no other. What would I ever have done without you?

Kylie >> Those few days with your camera in my house scared me like no other. Really.

Amy >> This child is sad that she did not get to see more of her Mummy :( But is glad that she will be having a reunion during Christmas. :D

Natassha >> PANTS. PANTS PANTS PANTS.

Alexis >> If you're reading this, means you can also access Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube X) What are you waiting for? Go go go!

Susan >> I know you love Syaoran! -grabs Susan and spins her around-

Joee >> I know you love Yuki! Haha come to CF if you can? :]

Luo Yi >> Make sure you stay safe while you're stationed here... Stupid Alfred. It's not like I wanted to leave you behind. -tsundere face-

Dee >> ... I'm not going to think of you at the airport, cause if I do... I'll cry too. You just have the best way of bringing out the waterworks in me. Dammit. Love?

Jo-Hannah >> Beware. Of. Penguins. ;) You know what I mean. And don't stress yourself out too much. Home is where the heart is and I'm not going to be leaving you that easily.

Jianing >> Bet you're wondering what happened to the dating ad. Like a ninja it will come when you least expect it.

Li Yun >> Next time, this year, let's hope we'll be flying off together. To Heathrow. Try your best. For me. Promise?

Shu Lin >> Heap the gay with loads of torture, specially from your wife and... wife. :) And best friend.

Hai Sherng >> Read message above for what you should prepare yourself to face.

Sheau >> .......... Frick. I don't know what to say. Here's to the years of love, tears, fighting, yelling screaming bitching tantrum-throwing hugging late-night talking David-Cook-fangirling. Here's to the years that are to come. And here's to your really stupid haircut and your unhealthy obsession with Mars Bars. Wait till I buy you ONE MARS BAR for Christmas then you know. Sigh. I love you. NOW SHUT UP. :]

25 secrets.

I did this tag ages ago, on my old blog. However I read a much more personal version on Jasryn's blog and decided, well heck, why not? At the end of it, comment and tell me what was predictable, what was surprising, and what you wouldn't have guessed at all.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1) I was about to write something here, but I decided that it was something I couldn't share, so I deleted it.

2) On another note, there are many things I thought of that I would write here, but I decided against.

3) People think I'm transparent. I am, but there are things I'd never tell anyone, and they're the things that scare me the most about myself.

4) When I was a kid and a young teenager my uncle used to always tell me I was too trusting and that I was an attention-seeker in an attempt to get me to be less so of both. I remember those talks all too well. As a result, now I worry too much because of my attention-whorish tendencies and that everyone is out to get me.

5) Basically, chances are, if I met you after I turned fifteen or so, I don't totally, completely trust you... No matter how close we are, there will always be that nagging feeling in the back of my head that you hate me, you can't stand me, you don't really want to be with me.

6) I'd prefer hugs to kisses if I had a boyfriend. Hugs make me feel secure.

7) I'm considering not posting this already because I don't know the consequences of revealing all that about myself.

8) Somehow, I don't think most of the facts above would surprise many of you.

9) Sometimes I wish I could merge all my lives together, the life in my old school, the life in my new, and sooner or later my life in college... And then I realize that would be silly. It's best to keep things separate.

10) I'm good at keeping in contact, but since CamTrad it's been harder for me to stay attached to people for long. Not that it's impossible though. It's just harder.

11) Sometimes I wonder whether I'm able to form lasting friendships and then I look around at the people around me, the friends I've made unintentionally and the ones I meant to keep, and I realized that maybe it is possible after all.

12) I've had life good. Very good. And I feel like I don't have the right to complain about it, but I do anyway... Which then makes me feel guilty.

13) I don't believe in miracles. If something good happens it's a really awesome coincidence, or you worked really really hard for it. That's all :]

14) I don't know whether I'm a nice person or not; I can go from pleasant to bitch in less than a second if you piss me off.

15) The worst thing I've ever done? Not said thank you. I still feel guilty for not thanking you that day. I miss you :(

16) It's not that I have something to hide, but sometimes, I don't know how to phrase my thoughts, my feelings into words, so I can't share them with people... It's a lot easier for me to write down what I'm thinking.

17) David Cook has inspired me like no other celebrity has before. I have no idea why I'm so drawn to him, but I am.

18) I wonder whether it's possible for anyone to love me.

19) I have a fear of being alone forever.

20) At the same time, I get very scared by overly-clingy people, even though I can be like that myself.

21) I surprise myself with how cold and distant I can be at times, to people I feel like being cold and distant to. Not because I don't like them but sometimes I do show a different side of myself to the public.

22) My happiness is not a mask. It's just the dominant part of me that I allow to take over my actions and my words.

23) Coolest name for a kid? Luke. Then my husband can say, "Luke, I am your father." However I'll still call my kids Aidan and Nadia because Aidan is Nadia backwards.

24) Li Yun told me to think of her wherever I was, but not in the toilet. So now, every time I take a dump, her name surfaces in my head. Hello Li Yun :]

25) On another note. I use my laptop in the toilet sometimes.

Art.

I'm not an artist. I've never been an artist.

I tried drawing once; I was fourteen, competitive, and wanted to be talented in some way or other. But now I've learned. I can't paint to save my life, don't know the difference between chrome and ocher, and my attempts at drawing a straight line in Paint resulted in a bunch of squiggles that looked nothing like what I initially intended them to be.

Yet every time I pass by this art store in Singapore, I always feel this irresistible tug. I walk in and smell the turpentine, touch the woods, test the pencils and play with the scissors. I understand why this place, like many other art stores around the world, might seem like heaven to the gifted few- stepping into an art store is stepping into a land of creation, a land of tools and machines designed to make one person's dream come true.

The copic section is my favourite. When I glance across at the copic markers, there isn't just "orange", there's coral and chrome orange and all sorts of other lights and darks, all sorts of tones that call out to me. There are times where I think of buying copics, just so I can see them every day just so I would have an excuse to toy with light, toy with the different shades of the rainbow. I realize it would be futile: they would just lie there, unneeded, taken from their purpose of existence and serving as mere ornaments for the amused. After all, in the midst of exchange rates and economical crises, I can't just spend money like this.

So I never do.

What would be the point, anyway?

But I like art stores. It's nice sometimes to walk into a place, know you would never really want anything in it, and stare without being judged or recieving looks that warn you to leave.

Takashimaya is worth visiting for three reasons. Kinokuniya, Mos burger, and the little art shops. In the midst of the brand names and the high-end department store, it's nice to step back and look at more creative, less plastic, and simple.

Fuel for the soul. What would the artist do without art, after all? What would I do without books?

What would we do if our means of escape was snatched away in front of our eyes?